This is a lot to deal with, so being in the state you're in is understandable.

Repressed memories are common, so do not be surprised by this. The reason they are coming out now is because she feels she is safe enough to remember them.

While I understand that marriage is a responsibility, and do not think you should cut and run, I do think that you also need to take care of yourself. Get YOURSELF into therapy, because taking on your wife's trauma is the last thing you need right now.

She has trusted you a lot to tell you this. And she wouldn't have been upset if she didn't think that it was wrong.

I think - and this is guess work - that what they did was a way of protecting themselves. Perhaps there was more than just physical abuse going on in that house that no one remembers.

Please get your wife into some kind of care NOW!! If things start getting worse, such as she starts losing time, acting in ways other than herself and then not remembering it, having sever flashbacks that she doesn't remember properly or where she starts hallucinating, or is seriously depressed *look up signs and symptoms because sometimes its hard to tell* or suicidal please take her to the ER and get her into inpatient.

Something this complex needs professional opinions and helps.

Good luck.

ps, seeing her as a child and not being able to be intimate with her is normal and makes a lot of sense. I think you are taking on her trauma and reacting to it as if you had gone through it. At least a little bit. Which is why I insist you get help.