I am deeply sorry that all of the abuse has happened to you. There are no magic words that I could say to make things better for you. I really wish that there were. You have to save yourself just like your name says! You have to continue to claw your way up and out and away from all these abusive people. You can never, ever give up! If you do, then the abusers win and you don't want that. Keep posting. You'll find a lot of support and great information here at PC. Take care!