Hang in there, kiddo! I went through the same thing earlier this year when I started medication for anxiety and depression. It took months for me to build up the courage to take the first pill; all I could think about was how this illness had been a part of me my entire life and I was so afraid to let it go. The thing you need to remember, though, is that the illness isn't who you are. When I was little, I always thought there was something wrong with me but, as I got older, I realized there wan't anything wrong with ME, it was really just a little bug that had been bumming off of me. No matter how many times you tell yourself that you need Aoife, you never do. All depression is is a bug along for the ride, and I think it's best to just let it go. Staying consistent with your medication is very important if you decide you want to get better; the only way you will see real results is if you stay on schedule (and trust me, the results can be beautiful).

I hope you're feeling better and find someone to talk to. A shoulder to lean on is always a big help.