(((((((( mistyberkowitz )))))))

This is a really hard thing you are faced with... I have the same thing going with my sister. People who meet her can't understand that I think she is the antichrist... but as I see it, you have a few choices...

You can either decide that you do not want anything to do with her anymore and withdraw from her completely... but you will probably feel guilty for the rest of your life about it, and always be wondering and wishing...

You can continue the fight and try to get her to understand how you feel (with or without being nasty...) This will take a long time to accomplish as she is probably already set in her ways and don't even realise to what extent she hurts you... Maybe try to find out about her childhood... it could be that she has some unresolved issues that she doesn't know how to deal with and this behaviour is all she knows... Maybe she just wants to be honest, but in the process she uses language and tone that is very hurtful and she doesn't know it... Maybe she feels inferior because you have a better life than she had and she tries to drag you down... there could be a million reasons for her behaviour, but worse is you can find out there is absolutely no reason for her to behave like this...

Another option is to just take the high road... which hhas its up and down side... You can try to look past all this and just be there for her and maybe she will see it? But, maybe she won't... this will definately take a lot of energy and control on your part, but it will let her have a better life than you not being there at all... She will breath her last breath and know that you cared for and loved her...
The downside is that you may never resolve your anger towards her and this can lead to years of resentment on your part....

I know how tough your situation is, and I know how tempting it is to bite back... but will it change anything? What do you want to accomplish with your mother? Do you want her to understand, or do you just want to have a better relationship, or both??? Keep your goals for the relationship in mind all the time....

I really hope you are able to have a family again....

Pixie