I just want to let you know that I read both your posts about this, and that I am listening. I have a csa past also, and I actually did not remember much about it until a few months ago. But there was always a memory that *something* happened in the bathroom. That someone was looking at me. Anyway, I hope you have success with working on your trauma. EMDR might help, but it did not work well for me. I wonder if your T can temporarily send you to someone who does specialize in EMDR. The fear might feel illogical right now, but it is not. You are reacting to something that happened. The reaction is normal. Giving you alcohol at such a young age is abusive in itself, but whatever happened afterward is bothering you today and I hope you can work through that.