Peaches, your email is poignant, but I also see a lot of hope between the lines.

Everything Readytostop and Asiablue said is very true, in my opinion. The moment you see things realistically is a pivotal moment of change. Lots of us hold out in fantasy and hopes, or maybe un/consciously wish to be rescued, but really, that perspective only holds you back. The longer one holds out hope, the longer your healing is drawn out.

Have you ever noticed in books or stories that people who overcome major adversity and transformation and achieve the state of being content often recollect hitting 'rock bottom' right before things picked up for them? Everyone has a breaking point, a point after which you build a new sense of self. The old must be torn down to build anew.

I know this is something you'll probably have to realize in your own time, but I wanted to let you know that I truly think things will get better for you.

Therapy can really be a Pandora's box at letting the needs out, but you cannot deal with them/accept them until they are out of the box in the first place. It will happen for you too.