Thanks everyone for so many wonderful replies.

I am going to put off contacting her. I imagine she is busy with her husband and his family, and i don't want to ruin that for her.

In reality, i KNOW she must still be there...but it feels very much the opposite to that. Her actually existing isn't in doubt...i am not quite sure if i am making any sense now, sorry. It just hurts to feel abandoned, whether that abandonment is real or imagined.

Typing on phone so sorry for any mistakes.