Wow - that a load of information to process. It has to be incredibly difficult. I think you need help to process this information too. Your wife and her family members also need help. I'm not sure why they abused each other, or how it started but maybe it started with her father or mother?.

I myself was sexually abused and raped by my grandfather and cousin. It went on for a few years. I never admitted or acknowledged it. Blocked it out until later years. So I understand where your wife is coming from, I also have that fear... if my other half knew the extent of the abuse would he ever find me sexually attractive again or look at me in the same way.

I gave him a choice, I still do. If he can not handle it, he has the right to leave without having any obligations towards me. If you cannot handle this, if its too much for you to deal with, weighs down too heavy on you. You have the right to leave too. Your mental health is important too. I would urge you to get serious help for your wife also. I hope it works out for the best for you.

Thoughts and prayers with you.