I can hear the confusion and palpable pain in your words. I tend to agree with Ready here, that this is a pivotal moment for you, but I don't think it is about abandoning hope and shutting down your needs or turning away from your T.

If I can refer to your words on Crimson's transference thread:

Well, when I pull back, my t says that I am finding a way to distance from her because I am afraid she will hurt me. (Well, yeah, if I have pushed too hard for her help and been told she is too busy or made to wait for a couple of days to get a reply, then I DO feel hurt, even when I know that I am probably expecting too much from her!) My pulling away from her enough to disconnect the part of me that needs her too much is all I know of to do when my needs start messing up the therapy relationship.

So, I pull back. Then over time, my t coaxes child parts to engage with her again. But if I let up control of them, again they want too much from t. She can't respond as quickly as I need her, and then I feel hurt and rejected. Then, pull back again.

This is horribly painful, and I really am tempted at this point to keep any child-like parts of me that desperately want my t to be like a mom to me AWAY from the therapy room. Those needs are too great for my t to fill, or for anybody to fill. Over and over, I've tried to find somebody who would care about me enough to want to have a close relationship with me that could help provide what I never got from my mom. But it never has worked out. Not even when someone insists that they care alot and will never abandon me. In time, my needs become too much for them, they get tired of feeling like they have to "hold me up," or find out that the things they tried to do to help me didn't work. So they cut loose and drop me.

Well, t has said she would not do that. And so far, she hasn't. But still, it just doesn't work to try to get help from her for those parts of me that never had a close relationship with my mom, and feel so much pain because of it. It's like trying to fill the Grand Canyon one a teaspoon full of dirt at a time. It can't be done. It's too much work. And I fear that this is true also for my t.

I think you clearly grasp here that this is your struggle, rather than your T's reality about you or your relationship. I believe that the only way past this is through this, and it appears your T (after 10 years) is willing and able. Protecting yourself from the pain isn't the same as healing it, and feeling pain doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong in therapy. I hope you don't choose to shut down your needs out of fear under the guise of reasonableness.