Jordy-

First and MOST importantly you need to forgive. I know that this is incredibly hard but I want to share something with you. I was molested by my cousin when I was younger and much like you it went on for several years. I harbored hate, resentment and allowed every family event to be an event that required days of preparation mentally to attend. He however had moved on in life married and had children. I was the only one suffering. About 6 years ago I attended a program in central Georgia where they discussed forgiveness. As they spoke I thought in my mind that I would not give him the satisfaction to forgive...HOWEVER then they went on to explain that forgiveness is not for them it is in fact for you. You are always going to be hurt as an ordeal such as yours will never just wash away...but you dont have to continue to be scared and angry...that is the part where you will get punished. Look at him...he has moved on and gotten married and had a child while you are still down and out. Pick your head up look him in his face and tell him I forgive you...not for you but for me! You will no longer make me afraid or angry and I am going to live everyday for the rest of my life for me!!! He has been the Coach of the game and you the player for quite sometime...it is time to switch roles!!!! Take back your happiness and go get what life has to offer. Best of Luck to you!