Hi -
I was recently diagnosed with BPD. Before, it was 'just' PTSD.
It was only in the past year I began addressing my abusive childhood in therpay and how it has effected me (a Narcissistic mother and sexually abusive step-father who left me utterly invalidated).
The BPD diagnosis has been a relief because (as much as I dislike it) just knowing it was something other people have (it's not unique to me!) and being able to read about it, etc... is so much better than just feeling like I have some condition nobody has heard of or understands.
One symptom I have had for most of my life is, even when alone, I have a palpable sense of people watching me and feeling embarrassed. The people who are watching are not consistent (they change frequently) but are people I admire or would want to make a good impression on. But anything I do is interpreted in a way that is embarrassing.
I feel compelled to point out again that I don't hallucinate (I know that nobody is there). I'm married with 3 kids and able to work, etc... I am also beginning to move past this feeling of embarrassment to the feelings beneath it (anger, feeling invalidated, someone else's opinions/interpretations supplanting my own).
I was just curious (hopeful, actually) that there are others with similar issues. The feeling of being watched and embarrassed is the one symptom that has always made me feel freakish. I don't know if I am looking in the wrong places, but I never seem to find others who experience this.