Wants2fly-
Oh, I think you misunderstood my post. What I meant to say was that I did not tell him about the affair until after we were married. I slipped in there that it was at the time I went off Paxil. Why I say that is because I felt a strong correlation between getting off medication and feeling a ton of guilt. On the Paxil it was as though I did not FEEL anything- then once off, I was overwhelmed with so much emotion it was unreal. Not that I blame the meds for what I did but I do feel it did help me not to feel the pain of what I did while I was on it.

That is sort of funny that you thought I was feeling that much guilt for not telling him about he meds! He always knew I was on them. No, my secret was much, much bigger than meds unfortunately.

Thanks for writing and checking in. Things get better with him and I every single day. That is why it is so difficult for me to understand why I am not making as great of progress towards healing. How do we speed up this process of gaining self confidence and forgiving ourselves. I swear, about 20 times a day I think "what if everyone knew- my parents would be sooo disapointed"... as a grown woman (well, 26 anyways!) that is a horrible burden to walk around with- still so concerned with breaking your parents' hearts. Does this ever go away!!!