Well, of late I haven't been despondent or overwhelmed by suicidal ideation :thank (insert appropriate swearword here) for that:

Had the odd intrusive thought of 'wish I was dead'... but that's all it is and I'm finding it easy to ignore it.

On the flip side though, frustration and anger is becoming a bit of a pain in the rear... any hurdle, little or big is making me see red (wife is aware and handling it like a champ... I'm not physically or verbally aggressive towards her... but walls are fair game or just standing there looking like I'm about to implode... and perhaps to my shame, the dog has had the occasional 'bugger off' said to her when she comes near I make up for that by giving her lots of attention and fuss once I've calmed down)

I don't get it.. and I feel out of control when it happens... as if something else has taken over and forced the switch on the anger adrenaline button

Fed up with it.

Still at the stage of 'what's the point' on things... but as said above, putting up with it rather than being super negative or self destructive over it.

Will be seeing the Doc the day after new years day and the wife is coming too. Will mention about the anger.