{{{{Wants2Fly}}}}

You are so right about absolute forgiveness being challenging! It took me years to forgive my ex. Something I didn't mention in the other post was at the same time, I had to learn to forgive MYSELF too. That plays a huge role in forgiveness to another individual. No matter what transgression another idividual has done against us, don't we, as victims feel guilty to some degree? Don't we feel anger towards ourselves for "letting it happen"? (not just towards the transgressor?) Maybe not always, but in my situations, I know I have.

Once I forgave myself, and gave up the role of victim, took charge of ME and realized I cannot control what other individuals think and do, only myself, then I was able to forgive myself and the transgressor. Does that all makes sense??

You asked, "How does a person know when one has foregiven? And healed?" Those are great questions. I'm sure it's different for everyone. In my experience, the day I woke up and wasn't "all consumed" by my hatred and anger over the abuse was the first day of starting to forgive. I also did a lot of praying and asking for strength, that helped a lot. I know not everyone is into that, so it's definitely a personal choice.

IMO, we all have the power to change. We all have the power to take back control of our lives. We all have the power to realize that we can only control what we do, not what others do. Some of us need more help than others to take control, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Reaching out for help is a way of taking control

I wish you all peace!

Hugssssss
Jean