I found another way to fight the urges. It involves reblogging depressing posts on tumblr. But it's a way I can express things that go on inside my mind without the use of words. Because words cannot fully describe my mind. But I gave my boyfriend a scare. He seems to be very worried by all of the depressing images I reblogged. But I have to let it out somehow. I still have urges, but I'm not going down without a fight. I'm doing this for him, for myself and for a future free from the endless secretive cycle that has taken over my life.