I've been in kind of a rut for the last month or so. I was diagnosed with mild depression, social phobia and GAD a couple of years ago and was put on Lexapro. I decided after less than a year that I didn't want to have to rely on drugs so I stopped cold turkey (stupid decision, I know). Things were going pretty good for a while until earlier this year my anxiety came back pretty strong. I decided that maybe I needed the meds and started seeing my pdoc again in October. She put me back on the Lexapro with the same dosage (20mg). It seemed like things were looking up at first. The anxiety was gone, I was happy, and actually started interacting with people, which is very unusual for me. I don't know if this was only a placebo effect or not because it only lasted for the first couple of weeks.

Anyway, shortly after the effects wore off I kind of sunk into a greater depression than I've ever been in before. I've had the "blues" for as long as I can remember, but have been able to pull myself out of it and have generally been a happy person. This is something different. It seems like more days than not I'm down in the dumps, feeling like I'm worthless and can't get motivated to do anything. Sometimes it's like pulling teeth to do the most simple tasks, like emptying the dishwasher.

I have been doing A LOT of thinking lately about the past, missing family members that have passed almost to the point of it being as painful as they died just yesterday. I'm not necessarily wishing I could go back to that time (I'd miss my wife and daughter horribly) but I wish that things could be like they were and my relatives were still here.

I've not been diagnosed with OCD, but I've noticed that my "compulsions" seem to be getting worse also. Checking to make sure the doors are locked multiple times, showering and drying off a certain way, etc.

Well, enough rambling. I see my doc again in mid-January. Does anyone think she might try new meds since the Lexapro doesn't seem to be working anymore? I'm so tired of feeling the way I do but don't know what to do about it.