I've tried having sex with her twice already. The first time I had had a drink before I went, and I could barely get hard. (I found out later that alcohol is not good). Although I did get hard once, but as soon as I put on the condom I lost it.
The second time around I had abstained from masturbating for a couple days, I had no medication or alcohol and I was able to get erect in foreplay but as soon as I put the condom on I lost it again. More foreplay was able to get me erect again, with the condom on, and then when I tried penetrating I wasn't hard enough to put it in and I lost my erection again. I'm lucky that she is very patient and understanding and I've been doing research to why this is happening. So far, the best results are performance anxiety but if this is true, how do I become less anxious?