[Hi I had written a letter on here last wk about my theraphist and his rules, which I feel are unfair, well now he has something new up his sleeve. He d enen though he says I don't have it, stupid well anyway he says its bc I get suicidal over my kids deaths. The dbt is in a bad neighborhood and from what I read you go 2 and a half hours for class once ot twice a week and a once a wk for therapphy, He also wants me to come to him still 2x a wk, which I said to him why don't I get a job if im gonna go out 5 days a wk. He had given me this 60 book on this dbt, which im not trying to put anybody down that likes it, but it was made up by a lady who was locked up half her life suicidal half hr life now she is a phychiatrist, im starting to lose my faith in all this u know what I mean. It talks about acceptance well I will never accept my childrens deaths. I read in the book he gave me there is homework it looked all greek to me, and also if u get out of your seat, like say your frustrated with something, they can call crisis on you I also read they have punish ments have no idea what that's about, he wants me to go for a yr, every yr he tries and succeeds at messing up me going to shore, I sware he does it intentional bc I have a guy friend, which he don't like, I am very confused with MAN and all the other stuff I read, I don't see how u can just change your emotions, I have always tried distracting myself when upset about my son, but some of the other things I don't understand don't care to understand, I think its just a powerplay on his part to keep me in things, I sware im his guinea pig, or as my guy friend says he needs stuff to keep you for medicare. I am very hurt he always answers my txs emails ph calls I emailed him on Friday, it was a respectful email but stating I don't have bpd why are u sending me here and expecting me to see u 2x a week and now this 3x a week, I just asked if I can go 1x a week last wk and he comes up with this, I wanna not show up tues, yeah new yrs eve im the only one coming in. I wanna not show up and just quit, bc I lost my kids he is starting to make me feel like a crazy person and just give up, I don't know what he wants, we used to be so close, now we butt heads over all his rules, what should I do, I know if I stop taking stuff for depression ill get really down bc if I quit I cant get meds, I asked him can I come for meds since im going to this program, he said no he stills wants to see me 2x a wk he also has changed he was very flirtatious always txed me called me I gained some weight from this med he put me on, he stills says im attractive ect but u can tell it bothers him , well what does he think it doesn't bother me, do u think he is trying to slowly get rid og me by sending me to this dbt and faze himself out maybe he is afraid of suicide, but he tells me this dream where I drown and cries, I don't ge him at all anymore ready to quit pleae give me advice I wouldn't mind if I had bpd but suicidal is different I don't think its the right way to go and im pretty smart I read the homework sheets and workbook I felt like I was reading some 12 grade math, I didn't understand how u can make yourself feel opposite to how you feel, im starting to hate my dr at once I thought so much of him, I think he is trying to gain control back but im done I feel with theraphy whatever happens is I gods hands and im not very religious, is it money control what, he drives me nuts thanks baby boyecided for me to join this group for bpdFONT="Arial"][/font]