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AllyIsHopeful · Dec 30, 2013, 05:24 AM

I have an appointment tonight (monday). I usually see my therapist twice a week and have done so for 9 months now. There were occasional streaks of one time a week and some three times. Obviously with the amount of appointments and the intensity of all the sessions I have grown an attachment to her.
I even have constant text/phone communication with her throughout the week between sessions if I need.
Well last week I had an appointment Monday, and since Wednesday was a holiday, she decided she would take the rest of the week off...so I only went once last week. I have a lot of self control when it comes to respecting someone's "personal time", especially when I'm aware it is a MUCH needed vacation. That being said, I did not contact her whatsoever since Monday, even though it was a hellish week.

Things started eventually looking up by Friday and even though I ended up with a cold, I still had a great and relaxing weekend. I have been dealing with SI for this past week and even a few weeks before, but I have noticed it has disappeared since Friday...
Now I have the feeling of wanting to turn and run! I do NOT want to go to my appointment tomorrow and don't even know what to talk about. It is so weird because I haven't felt this before. I'm like nervous to see her mixed with not wanting to see her at all. I just have the urge to drop therapy altogether right now and it is confusing to me.

Part of me feels proud of myself for making it through a week alive-and-well without her assistance. I like that feeling. It beats thinking about her and missing her 24/7, wishing I could see her more often. I'm nervous that going back tomorrow and seeing her is going to bring back all of those gross emotions and I will lose this "empowered" feeling I am experiencing.

Any advice?? I don't know what I should do!