Okay, you are scared to tell him how you feel. About what he will think? I have trust issues too! And you have them for good reason. Because of a previous bad experience in the past. And although I have found someone I can trust. I still can't seem to bring myself to tell him what I think. So instead, I write it on a letter to give him. Believe it or not, it's actually slightly easier to do this! And far less 'scary' then you would of thought. Although you feel nervous running up to the appointment, once it's done you should feel a little better.
Therapy is difficult and it's a long road from what i've seen. There are ups and downs. And lots of moments where you will doubt him. Does he know about your previous bad experience? If not, include it in the letter. Because if he doesn't know about how you feel, how can he decide how to help you best? But please, do try the letter thing. As silly as it sounds, it can help. Gather the courage to do it and do it. Don't think about the what if's or what he will think. Just do it. I don't know if it will help you, but isn't it worth a go?
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Originally Posted by Canyon
Readytostop, I think what I most want to accomplish from therapy is to be able to trust in therapy and to be able to trust a therapist. I want to come from it feeling that I have been heard and accepted. That I'm not pitied or looked at as a lower form of life because of what I have been through.
I have had a therapist that I trusted in the past. I think that is why I am in the conundrum that I find myself in today. It turned out that the therapist that I trusted was not really worthy of that trust.
The thing with the ability to put me in the hospital is huge for me. I know that they only do that in cases that you are in danger of harming yourself or others, but I tend to be suicidal very much of the time. That power in someone else's hands terrifies me.
The thing with the court subpoena is really real at this time in my life-- not because anything treatment oriented is court mandated-- because I am in the midst of a court case in which I was the victim of an assault. There was a hearing a couple of weeks ago in which the dirtbag's attorney filed a motion seeking my medical/ mental health records. My therapist and the DA has informed me that it is highly likely that he will be called to testify.
It is just such a mess. Now when I really need and want to trust someone the most, it seems that I really have no one that I feel that I can.
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Diagnosed with: Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD & Dyspraxia