thanks for the reply, shezbut. honestly, i also am jealous of people who have less than myself materially...or physically/healthwise...people tend to love them and want to help them and be their friend.

example...when i was in 2nd grade (23 years ago yeesh) one of my classmates was in a wheelchair. she had cerebal palsy. everyone looooved her. i couldnt handle that. i dont even remember what i said to her, but i said something unfriendly because i was jealous of the positive attention she was getting from everyone. some of the kids overheard and of course told the teacher.

another example from when i was young...everyone seemed to be getting the stomach bug and thus having to take days off school. i should have been happy i was still feeling healthy, but nope! i was crying because i wasnt home lying in bed like some of the other kids. its pretty ridiculous and i knew it even then, but i still felt the way i did. i ended up catching the bug and being sick on the weekend (which seemed to happen a lot in my life...still does).

like i said, i can find something to be jealous about in pretty much everyone i meet. some people might see them as being less fortunate, but to me there are different types of "fortunes"

i know all the things to say to myself and do...and ive tried some of them. i just havent gotten to the point where i believe what im saying is true. i feel inferior to everyone i see.