work has been on vacation for about a week now...we get about 2 weeks off during the holiday season...we'll meet back at work on friday for breakfast and secret santa gift exchange. the director emailed us the other day telling us all to think about something special to share about ourselves. i still havent come up with anything. i have no talents. i cant solve intricate math problems. i cant twirl a ribbon whilst dancing and doing gymnastics. i dont have any special items to share because items are meaningless to me. so now im worried that i either wont think of anything to share/bring...or that what i do come up with wont be as good as what others share/bring (see, theres that jealousy again...and i dont even know what people will share yet)...i guess i just want to feel like im significant in other peoples eyes.

and i havent gotten my secret santa gift yet because i dont know what to get and feel like anything i get will be useless to the person. i always end up giving the crappiest gifts. i see everyone elses and dont even wanna share mine. this particular person had the same gifter two years in a row...both years she made him whole meals. i cant compete with that.