(((((((((( Shezbut )))))))))))

I think Harley is right about thinking in an adult mind now but as a child you didn't have the capacity to think in adult terms. No child has that capacity. Our brains have not grown enough, our experiences in life have not been enough to teach us what is what and how to deal with things.

I also want you to know that you are not alone feeling as you do about m'ing. Some folks grow up learning that it's not a good thing to do from their parents. Some folks grow up having had it done to them from an abusive situation.

One thing that is important to know and remember is that the physical good feelings that come from m'ing are very normal feelings to have. I believe that most every child has those normal feelings and will explore them in some fashion. Please don't kick yourself for having those feelings as a child, it's very normal! And, as Harley states, exploration is very normal as well.

What isn't normal is an adult taking advantage of a child in this way. Your body responded because it's made to respond in such a way. But in your mind, you knew you didn't like it coming from your Uncle. So you have 2 things to deal with, your thoughts about it and your physical reaction which very often is different from your thoughts.

I'm so sorry you are struggling with this.