Usually my brother only visits on sundays for the family lunch and is usually there for 3-4 hours. So there would be no need to sleep at my friend's house. Until now the main problem was that I didn't feel entitled to leave the house as it's supposed to be a family event. so I believe I absolutely had to be present at least most of the time. I am starting to doubt that... but on the other hand I hate the idea of having to leave the house. To me that makes it feel like I should be ashamed to be there and that it's all my fault, while he has all the rights... I know it 's wrong, but can't help it for now...

Will try and spend more time with my horses... and maybe in spring I'll start competing again with some of the school horses. That would definetely get me out of the house on sundays, and to be honest i miss competing! Too bad my own horses can't do it anymore...