are you brave enough to check yourself into the hospital via the emergency room? antidepressants really help. i was suicidal for the longest time, in the deepest darkest pit of despair, the end of my rope, and like a magic wand, the right antidepressant turned my life around. i cant believe the difference they made. i only stayed on them two years and i havent been depressed since. i swear there is hope. just reach out and ask for help. take care