I completely understand (I think) what you are going through. I am kind of in that same position myself, and I find it disconcerting. I am the type of person who has to be analyzing something at all times, so when there is nothing in my mind to go over I feel lost. Then I want to SI to make myself feel something that I can deal with not this limbo. I also can relate to the feeling of wanting to be hurt. I deal with that a lot. I think talking about your feelings and working to find some coping methods for the "now" will really help you, more-so then trying to stay above water until you can see you therapist.

Please PM me if you want to talk, maybe we can help each other.