dear shezbut,

when kids do something out of the usual or adult stuff - usually an adult is responsible. when kids do something, they are usually acting out of what happened to them.

Maybe the sick uncle actually did something to you.....taught you about b.j and you just acted out. I mean, he rubbed you.....possibly he also did something else. Maybe you just repressed the painful memory.

Whatever you did as a child, you are not responsible for it.

Pls don't feel bad even if you felt any pleasure. You can't help feeling pleasure on being touched even if you don't want it, because your body is wired that way to feel - to react to the stimuli.

you've undergone something traumatic at the hands of your sick uncle and it was a violation of your body, at an age when you did not understand it.

i hope you are working with a therapist. as you heal, that unpleasant feelings that come with the masturbation would go away.

good luck!