Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
Well, ok…
I was just going to say that I give waiting for a serious relationship to do anything physical. I'm not necessarily referring to losing my virginity here, but I suppose it could happen. It's just that I'm so uncomfortable with these things that I can't mess around with just anybody (at least when it comes to guys). And since no one wants to date me, I would be ok with a friend, but unfortunately none of my male friends are single. Also, I would be pretty sure I'd be rejected even as a friend with benefits anyway.
And it just bothers me when everyone says that girls have so easy…that if you want sex, you can get it if you're female. Or say something like isn't it funny how many guys want to sleep with me. No, I'm afraid it's not.
Hell, even in the closest thing I had to a relationship (I would say it was more of a PG friends with benefits) even he refused to do anything with me.
I don't know what's so physically disgusting about me…even before I had scars I was laughed at for what I looked like. I mean, at least my face and hair are relatively pretty and I'm about average size. But I'd have to get someone drunk first before they'd be remotely interested.
I guess I need to make more male friends…which is difficult for me. We get along just fine, but they don't want me hanging out with them (not single guys anyway) because I'm not someone they want to sleep with, so there's no reason to be friends with me. And so it's finally explained why my only male friends are married.
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I'm glad you decided to post. I understand well what you're going through. I too am a little uncomfortable with sexual matters, and I find it difficult making friends of the opposite sex, be it a misalignment of interests or discomfort (and to be frank, I find what most people consider to be what a girl "should" be at my age (20) to be...unappealing, in a lot of respects...like they're conforming to one overarching standard, yet I dislike the personality and behavior of the standard...does that make the slightest bit of sense?).
I don't think you're beyond hope though...far from it. It sounds, to me, like you have a low self esteem in relationship matters, and that has embittered you a bit towards your prospects of relationships. If that's indeed the case...right there with you.
I don't think it's fair to yourself to consider yourself to be likely outright instantly rejected, nor do I think that it'd be necessary to get someone drunk before anything were to happen. I think it's important to see the good in yourself and the qualities you bring to the table.
Focusing on the despair of past relationship failures is a self defeating thing, and a powerful one at that...believe me, I should know.
The past is the past...simply because things have not gone well in past relationships does not destroy your chances in the future. It's just important for you to be able to lift yourself out of the disappointment that past rejections have incurred and find in yourself the confidence to continue to be "on the market" undaunted. Let those who've spurned you go...if they've rejected you, it is their loss. They've potentially given up a great thing because they're too dense to get to know you. You're better off without someone like that.
Don't let them get you down...it seems as though the rejection of the past has hurt your esteem greatly (signaled to me by your saying things like you'd be rejected as even a FWB). They've lost out...not you. You're better off with someone who'll love you for you, not for simple lust. If that requires you to wait, I'd tell you you're better off in the long run...that wait sucks, God knows it sucks, but that's at least what I tell myself.
I don't know if I was of much help, but I did at least want to share in that I do understand what you're going through, and you're not alone. Don't give up hope. You only really truly "lose" when that happens. As long as you're willing to keep trying, things are bound to happen.
Many hugs,
Harley