This is very difficult, but you can only engage with him to the degree he is willing to. If he believes it is best for you to not ponder these eventualities, that's something that can be talked through. But if it is about him, then you can only press so far. I very well understand the feelings.

My T retired early due to sudden ill health and that forced our termination. Perhaps that is why he was willing to engage so openly about both of our fears of mortality and the ending of the therapy relationship. Because we have had a more or less sustained relationship post therapy, he knows that I carry a concern for him, and I really appreciate his willingness to be very straightforward with me about his health. He is fit and reasonably healthy, but he is 81, so everyday is a gift. In the event that he should die without warning, I will be notified just like everyone else in his address book.

He has slowed down; part of the building of a post therapy relationship that is problematic is trying to figure out which changes are due to aging and which are due to different boundaries. It's been a challenge to come to a point where I can usually be comfortable with the combination of closeness and distance. And experiences of mortality in both of our lives have definitely colored the relationship.