Hi Gayleggg,

You're right. I AM tired. I've worked so hard in therapy for many years, and recently have been hit by several other stressful events such as my h's severe health problems, visit from the folks, coworker had a stroke and the resulting heavy workload that resulted, etc. I just feel pooped and drained of all energy and motivation.

I am supposed to see my t on Thursday and still haven't decided if I want to quit t. My h doesn't think I should. In my heart, I know I am not "finished," But now that all the unrealistic expectations of receiving the love and nurturing I didn't get have vanished, all I can see ahead is alot more hard work. I know that sounds childish, but it's how I feel. I try so hard to be strong and face things, but I so need somebody to lean on sometimes.

Also, I think my t forgets that since I have dissociation problems, it's harder for me to be strong and not lean on her when I get triggered into a regressed state. Normally, I'm fine with talking to her for 1 hour per week and then putting it all in a box until the following week. But if I get triggered, it's not so easy to open up and share all the buried pain and needs, etc., and then not let any of that spill over into the time between sessions. Waiting to hear from her under normal circumstances for a couple of days is no big deal. But when triggered an in crisis mode, it's 10 times harder. My t seems to forget this. If I get upset because I needed her support and had to wait 2 days, she says she is "confused about what you want from me since we had an agreement that if you email me and I'm busy, I will let you know and get back with you later."

It's for reasons like this that I have told my t many times in the past that I do NOT want to do any more therapy work with "child parts" of myself. She claims it is necessary for these parts of me to have voice and be heard, yet when I develop enough trust to open up and share those fears and needs (which really are child-like, and I'm ashamed enough just to let them show), she expects me to do this, and yet to maintain a balanced adult view of our relationship, with adult expectations, and the self-control of an adult not to expect those child-like needs to be met. I just don't think I can do this. The more we work with those parts of me that feel small and scared, and that hold my pain from the past, the more support I need from her, and the more I run into boundaries, such as when I need her outside the therapy hour.

I don't know what to do. I'm tempted to tell her I want to just stay in the DBT book and focus on how to cope as an adult in the here and now. And just live with the parts of myself that feel small, scared, helpless, and dysfunctional.