Quote:
Originally Posted by Readytostop
This is great progress IMO... you are in a place in your journey where you have let yourself feel the love and acceptance that you missed out on in childhood through your relationship with your T. But now you are realizing that your T can't meet those things in a way that is going to go into the past and fix things...
Progress is made at the point you are at... its the point of grieving.... grieving the things you didn't get as a child...grieving the loss of things we didn't get...
But the hope and healing comes when we realize okay so these are the needs that we have... we can't go into the past and have a parent fill them but we can fill them in someways for ourselves and we can develop relationships where we can ask for the things we need... and have adult relationships that affirm us and support us and love us...
We can from this point of seeing our losses and our neediness...realize the defense mechanisms and styles of relating that we have used to protect ourselves or to "manipulate" others into trying to meet these needs and so we can develop healthier ways of relating and make healthier relationships
That is the cross roads that I see IME... will you retreat or will you push forward and start grieving and accepting those things you have lost in childhood and find the ways to get those met as an adult...
I hope you don't give up
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Hi Readytostop,
You made a lot of good points. I don't think, though, that I have ever really let myself feel the love and acceptance of my t. I've always guarded myself against allowing myself to let any caring feelings come from her into me, because of my fear that I would end up being "too much" for her. In other words, knowing how deep my attachment wounds are and how desperate parts of me are for a parent-type figure to care about and nurture me, I have been too afraid to count on my t's caring words or actions. I've been too afraid of getting used to the good feelings, or of expecting too much from her and then getting hurt. I also have not wanted to get used ot having her help because I know I will lose her in the end anyway at termination.
Because of this, whenever I've allowed myself to feel cared for or nurtured by her, I end up stepping back out of fear. She keeps insisting that I can share those child like parts of myself and they will not be "too much" for her. But when I do have a weak moment and need her help more than she can provide, I run painfully into the limitations of the relationship ("I'm too busy right now. I'll get back to you." This then makes me even more resistant to allowing myself to feel attached. Because as soon as I start showing those weaker, needier parts of me, I find out that my needs really are "too much," in the sense that she can't be there for me as much as I need her to be.
I just am lost about what to do,