Quote:
Originally Posted by growlithing
I never thought about that. I know my dad knows. He groomed me, used me, and then threw me away so he could try to forget what happened. He doesn't want anything to do with me and is an absolute phantom in my life. Why? Because he knows what happened. He knows all of this is his fault but he just wants to forget about it. I think the reason they give me money at all is because deep down they feel guilty.
I actually have a 16 year old sister as well as a 12 year old brother. I'm not concerned that anything happened between him and my sister just based on how drastically different their relationship is. Maybe that's naive of me to think that way. But I was the kid that they regretted having. My sister was the kid they meant to have when I was born. I was trash to them and they violated me because I was worthless. They consecrated my sister.
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It's an odd realization, isn't it? Did you always know you were "trash to them"? It took me a long time to figure it out, partly because i was in denial and was stupid, and partly because they would lie to me. I get what you were saying about your instruments, that it feels like they would take them from you out of spite. That they would strip you of them. I think that is a more symbolic rather than a realistic fear - that they would stop you from supporting yourself. They need you to fail to prove themselves right.