It's an odd realization, isn't it? Did you always know you were "trash to them"? It took me a long time to figure it out, partly because i was in denial and was stupid, and partly because they would lie to me. I get what you were saying about your instruments, that it feels like they would take them from you out of spite. That they would strip you of them. I think that is a more symbolic rather than a realistic fear - that they would stop you from supporting yourself. They need you to fail to prove themselves right.