Argh, I don't even want to type this but journalling seems too lame right now...

I'M SICK OF THIS FKN BULLSHYT! SICK OF IT!

I've been miserable as all fk since boxing day, first day in months, thanks to a glorious bipolar hypomania. But it hit me so hard, so fast I just couldn't deal with waking up so completely heartbroken for no reason. Ended up taking a bunch of pills to sleep it off, but it backfired because I ended up with severe nausea, dizzyness and shakiness for 24 hrs instead of sleep.

This is definitly a bipolar thing because it was random, but now its triggered such a lot of bpd stuff and I'm alienating everyone!!!

People are busy, too busy for my liking. Which leaves me feeling unwanted. REALLY unwanted. My poor bf has no fkn clue, but atm I'm convinced I never wanna speak to him again. My friends aren't speaking to me because I b1tched them out and told em I'm not using my phone until further notice. My daughter is obsessed with making me smile, and my family is walking on egg shells, admittedly too scared to even ask me to go pick up groceries.

Feels like nobody wants me, like I'm nobody's priority. Feels like I'm insignificant and unimportant. And I'm sick to death, sick to fkn death of convincing myself otherwise or asking for reassurance.

It makes me feel needy and pathetic and I DON'T WANNA BE EITHER!

I'm NOT looking forward to the new year, I wish I would just end already before it starts, but my daughter just had a birthday yesterday..

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
No feedback required, I'm just a hot miserable mess and I was gonna explode.