You are a good person trying to do what's best; kudos to you for your devotion to your children. I moved half way across the country (long story) for my boys to have a relationship with their Dad. He never wanted them. Honestly I think dabbling in and out is more confusing and hurtful depending on the circumstance than nothing at all ~ like rubbing salt in a wound. I tried so hard to get my ex to see the importance of time with them, so he would try .... kinda, half heartedly, occasionally... and because it created more damage, I wish I never did. But I DO give myself credit for having my heart in the right place. I had every reason to try to keep them away, but I didn't want to be the one responsible even with good cause. I came to realize that he was the only one failing them; their feelings had no bearing whatsoever. There comes a time when the whole court thing is necessary and will be beneficial for you and your kids. Good luck to you . . .