Well, I'm trying to reach out for help to my mental health nurse specialist because I was bullied through-out my school life. Since I left school for seven years I've lived in mostly social isolation with going out, once or twice per week if I were lucky. I let my disabilities rule my life after school. Then 3 years ago my dad died due to throat cancer to which my brother responded by attempting suicide right in front of me. Thankfully my brother was fine. Since my dad died, my mother has been more bad tempered and putting me down more. Although we have a fairly good relationship, I can never confide in her. I have flash backs to various events in my life, none of them good when I feel really low. I also read up on suicide at times, although I can mostly stop myself from doing that. I've been SI since I was 14, on and off to try and cope and I mostly, lived inside of my head for the last past, 7 years. Everything is getting on top of me and I can't express myself emotionally. I guess I realise that I don't want to just exist. I want to live. And in order to live, I need to start dealing with my issues. But I can't do it alone. I need help.