I kept telling myself I would seek out therapy next month or next year or....I just kept putting it off. Finally, I started having nightmares again and some problems with someone at work that seemed to trigger a lot of feelings in more intensity than I was used to. I was crying in the car on my way home from work. I continued to fantasize about smoking again after being quit for quite awhile. My best (and only) friend was leaving her job (we worked together). My suicidal thoughts were near constant and they scared me. I was overwhelmed with financial concerns on top of that, and realized how alone I felt but couldn't explain why. I guess I just didn't feel I could go on anymore and didn't want killing myself to be the only way out.

Ironically, I haven't told my T about much of this stuff /: