Hi all,

I am diagnosed Bipolar II (since august) and have been posting on the bipolar board, but lately I've been feeling like my diagnosis just doesn't fit. I know no one here is a doctor, and I'm getting a new pdoc in a couple weeks (insurance change) but I'd just love some input from you.

I've gone through a lot of medical turmoil. About 2 years ago was diagnosed depressive/anxiety and put on effexor. Effexor worked for a little while, then turned me into a wreck. Crying at the drop of a hat, super sensitive and highly emotional, suicidal thoughts, totally unsettled. Diagnosed Biplolar II, pdoc thought effexor was making me rapid cycle/mixed state. So I spent 6 months weaning off, and felt myself calming down, and I'm now on Lamotrigine, which is making my moods a little easier to bounce back from, but not any less present.

So currently, I'm up and down maybe 5 or 6 times a day. I try to keep a mood journal to figure out my bipolar cycles, but I swear I cannot find a pattern. Every low or high is directly related to something external, and not just random. Sunlight hits my face, I feel euphoric. Someone passes me on the street and I feel judged, I tank. Boyfriend holds my hand, the world is wonderful! Doesn't listen when I say something, Omg I have to break up with him now. It's absolutely exhausting.

I don't have excessive anger (although I get internal "bursts" of it when I feel rejected). I don't SH. And I'm very practical and reflective, able to see when I've done something that was irrational.

I don't know. I just feel lost. Can anyone relate?

Thanks.