I think it's one of those things you need to come to terms with on your own, bit by bit, piece by piece. I have an ex with narcissistic personality disorder (a very bad "textbook" case; he hurt me quite a lot for many years), and my first T kept saying he was just a "jerk." I was young at the time, but KNEW it was more. Once I got more insight from the next T I saw, I was able to see it better...but reading a great book on the personality disorder really made it easier for me to understand it. I am angry with myself for putting up with his crap for so long!

In your case, I imagine taking in the idea of spending so much time with a psychopath must be very hard for you to digest and also extremely painful since I am sure you had much emotion invested. I imagine almost anyone's defense mechanisms would go up straight away at the idea! Until you were able to see some of her behavior resonate with the book's examples and explanations, it could only be so real for you. It sounds like you are still coming to terms with it (and doing a great job); I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. I know your T will understand your journey and how you got to this point. I think she will be very proud of you! ((safe hug))