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Originally Posted by elevatedsoul
thanks a bunch im gonna have a read if i can get my hands on it  hopefully it can help
it sucks going through a relationship to come out on the other end looking like a huge questionmark, worse when years pass and its caused you to be confused about your own identity even...?
i've only been to therapy a few times so im still new to it but im nervous / scared that its just going to make it worse, if i can just talk about this relationship i had and see if i can figure out why its still bothering me after so long i think i would be content and able to handle/ move on from where i am at with the other problems on my own
im hoping i have a good T so i dont have to suffer much - i still cant figure out her angle
it sounds like you have a good T now and she should be excited/happy about your revelations , i dont think you have to apologize to her because its not easy accepting these things sometimes and i think they are suppose to understand that and be patient? i would take the book with me as incentive to make myself talk about it |
I hope ou find the book as useful as I did in putting the pieces together.
Something about the whole experience shakes you to the core and makes you question everything when it's over. I really loved her and believed she loved me but someone who loves you wouldn't treat you so badly and what made it worse and more confusing was the way she intentionally hurt me and made me think I was going crazy. I actually thought I was a psychopath because she kept telling me I was crazy.
it takes a ong time to get through it, its been three years for me but mine was complicated because we were in the closet and I had no one to talk to or even tell what was happening to me.
Can I ask how long it is since you have been in the relationship? It's scary the way they work. I knew at the start she was making me fall in love with her but I was very young and it was my first relationship so I didn't see any red flags or abuse and even know I find it hard to believe she was abusing me, sexually and emotionally and physically.
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Originally Posted by Elsewhere
I think it's one of those things you need to come to terms with on your own, bit by bit, piece by piece. I have an ex with narcissistic personality disorder (a very bad "textbook" case; he hurt me quite a lot for many years), and my first T kept saying he was just a "jerk." I was young at the time, but KNEW it was more. Once I got more insight from the next T I saw, I was able to see it better...but reading a great book on the personality disorder really made it easier for me to understand it. I am angry with myself for putting up with his crap for so long!
In your case, I imagine taking in the idea of spending so much time with a psychopath must be very hard for you to digest and also extremely painful since I am sure you had much emotion invested. I imagine almost anyone's defence mechanisms would go up straight away at the idea! Until you were able to see some of her behaviour resonate with the book's examples and explanations, it could only be so real for you. It sounds like you are still coming to terms with it (and doing a great job); I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. I know your T will understand your journey and how you got to this point. I think she will be very proud of you! ((safe hug))
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I get the angry feelings, they are so powerful at times. This is where our part comes in though. Why did we let them do this to us. I know I did because I was starved of any affection and then along came a psychopath and fed off my empathy and vulnerabilities and bombarded me with affection and presents until I agreed to move in with her, then she withdrew sexually, emotionally and every way. I knew something was wrong with her but she always said it was because of the abuse when she was younger.
I am sorry about your ex, sounds as though you have came to terms with it and come out the other side with more self respect and determination to be respected in a relationship.