I woke up this morning praying that things would start to get better today. I had a job interview, at a place I'd been to before, but didn't get the job because I couldn't work weekends. Saturday has opened up for me, so when I saw the same place advertising in the local paper again, I called them back and let them know I was available on weekends. They asked me to come in today, so I did and the manager said she'd look over my resume and get back to me. Don't know if I'll get it or not, but I thought I'd try again anyway. For me, "I'll get back to you," usually means it's a no go. But who knows, maybe I'll be lucky this time? My last job told me that after the interview, and low and behold they DID call and offered me the job, if only I hadn't screwed up and got myself fired from a job that I REALLY enjoyed and looked forward to everyday.
I also filled out two other applications while I was in the city, in case the other one doesn't work out. I figure somethings GOT to break if I keep filling out apps. and "hitting the pavement."
And I almost didn't make it there this morning. I opened my eyes and just lay there, thinking to myself how I would just forget about it and stay under my covers all day. But I got up. I got out of bed, got dressed, hopped on the bus and forced myself to go.
I felt a little better afterwards. I made myself take a different route through downtown to aviod walking past my old job, but I still did it. And even if something doesn't happen with any of these jobs today, at least I dragged myself out of bed and tried to put my best foot forward regardless of how I felt. Tomorrow I'll go for my driving test again, and I hope I make it through without screwing up, my specialty.
Through all of this, I'm still searching for that something to hold onto. It's 3:30 in the afternoon, and I can feel myself slipping again as day is quickly becoming night. I'm going to keep reminding myself of today, how I managed to get up and do what I had to do. It's not much, but maybe if will help comfort me later on tonight.