Jacq and Calm,

Thank you for letting me know I was somewhat helpful - that all the years of pain I've been through are helpful not only to me but to others. (((Thank you both.)))

I can only speak from my own experience. I have finely and painfully realized that I am much harder on myself than I am on anyone else. Someone else gave me the bright idea to treat ME just like I would treat others I loved and care about, I'm most often very loving to those around me - I was more accepting of others than I was of myself!!! It was one of those light bulb moments. Very helpful.

I also of course need my medication, counseling at times, support from at least a few friends or family around me, eat healthy, get enough sleep, etc. etc. all the common sense things. Those who don't understand depression don't realize how hard we - or at least me - are trying to be healthy, good, happy, all those positive things.

I'm not saying don't try for your dreams or for being a better person. But it's been my experience that until I could accept myself just as I am, I never really made much progress in FEELING better, more healthy or more happy. My life is still not what I WANT it to be. But that's okay now. I basically have everything I NEED. And I am grateful for that. Making myself happy is just as important to me today - because if I don't do that I know from past experience I will try to end my life - as making those around me that I love happy. If I have to choose, I choose myself. It sounds selfish but it made a big difference for me in living with chronic major depression.

Thank you both again for responding to me.