I've only read a couple of your posts, so I don't know the whole story, but it sounds like you've been with this man for a long time, and been living in a fearful situation. So, expecting yourself, to just flip a switch and suddenly face him without fear is asking a lot. Give yourself a break!!! Jeepers! Stop kicking Gloria right now!!

If anyone deserves a swift boot it would be the person who put you in this position in the first place - the one who made you fearful. Please redirect that anger! :-)

I'm sending only hugs in your direction! (((((((Gloria!)))))))