You asked this question on exactly the right day. I feel like i cant tolerate a good happy loving relationship. Thats not what i grew up with at all. Now when someone tries to include me (in their little reindeer games), i become suspicious and uncomfortable and i pull away. T texted me happy new years last night (he had asked permission at our prior session to do so), yet i felt humiliated - he's only doing it because he knows i'm alone - and discounted - it's my choice to be alone, why cant he honor that? I felt like i couldnt ask him not to text me - i did want to see what feelings it would bring up. And its not exactly my choice to be alone.