Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
You asked this question on exactly the right day. I feel like i cant tolerate a good happy loving relationship. Thats not what i grew up with at all. Now when someone tries to include me (in their little reindeer games), i become suspicious and uncomfortable and i pull away. T texted me happy new years last night (he had asked permission at our prior session to do so), yet i felt humiliated - he's only doing it because he knows i'm alone - and discounted - it's my choice to be alone, why cant he honor that? I felt like i couldnt ask him not to text me - i did want to see what feelings it would bring up. And its not exactly my choice to be alone.
|
Hankster, I hear ya!
Have you ever experienced a healthy relationship with anyone after having such a hard childhood?
I am still looking, I have one with my t but because I am so suspicious of everyone lately, I even question her motives at times and I hate it. I want to quit when I get suspicious too and pull away.
That was nice of your t but I can also see why you were not happy about it. Yes, you choose to be alone but that doesn't mean people can't still care about you right? Aghhh, I hate all these emotions around relationships.
Do you think you will be able to talk about it next time you see T?