hmm, well i dunno if its the same for you but sometimes it feels like i didnt even know her or dont know who she is.. so i dont know for sure that she went to therapy, or that any of the events she told me even took place... like you said, maybe she was just trying to hurt me, she told me herself that she was psychopath and her therapist told her she shouldnt be in any relationships because of her present emotional instability ? but maybe this was her trying to push me away in an attempt to not hurt me anymore..? and maybe she didnt go to therapy and was just trying to tell me that it wasn't ok to be in a relationship with her? she "broke up" with me more times than i can count... and i guess my personality type, just coming back to her confused .. i still can't beleive that she is or was psychopath, but then i wonder if any of the things she told me transpired... like her new job and being busy into the late hours of the night doing paper work for the next day, or her parents situation, i find myself wondering if these things all were a type of excuse, or some kind of manipulation, it almost feels like i was put under a spell, witchcraft or some sort of thing beyond my understanding or control..? halfway through our rocky relationship she stopped speaking english and started using her native language, which i taught myself just to continue speaking to her i guess

it feels like it was yesterday... but i know its been years, thats one of the things i cant understand too.. kind of feels like everything that happened to me, re-happens everyday in a sense, i dont think i handled the breakup well myself... because i was completely dependent by then.. and me trying to be the big guy and putting a smile on and just sayin you know what, its ok whatever it doesnt matter etc etc - i know things wont and cant go back and i dont want to go back but i just want to understand really, i was already broken before meeting her .. i think my shards have been scattered throughout space now

she was 5 years older than me, but saying all this makes me feel like im saying too much and am going to get "caught" or discover the person im talking about, i wish there was an easy button

i doubt myself anymore, mixed memmories ;

anyway im not trying to hijack the thread it sucks to trust someone more than yourself and then burnt to ashes

why is it that you have to see her again? if you dont want?
i hope this year has improvements instore

ps: sorry if none of this makes sense, it doesnt make sense to me no matter how many times i read it