Hi Readytostop,

You made a lot of good points. I don't think, though, that I have ever really let myself feel the love and acceptance of my t. I've always guarded myself against allowing myself to let any caring feelings come from her into me, because of my fear that I would end up being "too much" for her. In other words, knowing how deep my attachment wounds are and how desperate parts of me are for a parent-type figure to care about and nurture me, I have been too afraid to count on my t's caring words or actions. I've been too afraid of getting used to the good feelings, or of expecting too much from her and then getting hurt. I also have not wanted to get used ot having her help because I know I will lose her in the end anyway at termination.

Because of this, whenever I've allowed myself to feel cared for or nurtured by her, I end up stepping back out of fear. She keeps insisting that I can share those child like parts of myself and they will not be "too much" for her. But when I do have a weak moment and need her help more than she can provide, I run painfully into the limitations of the relationship ("I'm too busy right now. I'll get back to you." This then makes me even more resistant to allowing myself to feel attached. Because as soon as I start showing those weaker, needier parts of me, I find out that my needs really are "too much," in the sense that she can't be there for me as much as I need her to be.

I just am lost about what to do,