The other day I totally lost it. I didn't know I was going to but I knew I was having a bad day. I worked all night and came home happy and joking and not needing to sleep nor was I able. About 2 in the afternoon I was having a discussion with my wife when out of no where I started flipping out. We were not auguring or fighting just talking. I don't remember a lot but, I remember telling her she was not my wife. I believed she was someone else or at the very least she was brain washed. That's about all I remember and her saying you are scarring me. It was not until the next morning I realized I was wrong. I stopped flipping out relatively quickly but just felt angry and like I should stop. It was ver very hard to.
She told me later that I was jumping at her and she was scarred I might hit her. That makes me feel discusting. I would never ever even think of doing that. Yet that's what she thought. I feel bad. She keeps telling me she knows that not me. I tend to agree. Still it is hard for me to forgive myself. It scares me that I would do something like this. I had no control. What if it happens again? I have been fighting every day to stay on top of this monster, but he still got out.
How can I stop this from happening? Has this happened to someone else? What helped you? Are there signs to se it coming? My wife seems have forgiven me but how?
Waiting for doc appt. with new ins. Might be a couple of weeks before something comes up. So advice is welcome. Thanks for reading.