I've never felt so alone in my life. Today was my 19th wedding anniversary and I know my wife is only staying w me for the kids. I don't have the emotional energy to try and "reinvent" myself again. Don't see a away out of this dark hole. I'm 53, hurt, angry, and scared, impotent from prostate cancer, and want some kind of intimacy with my wife and my family but I don't have their respect and see no way to get it at this point. My Mom passed away from cancer 3 mos ago, and that made me really feel like my one biggest fan was gone.

With no friends except my sister, none, zero, I have to pay someone $300 an hour to talk to me. I have no clue what to do at this point. My meds are not the issue because they seem to work - it's just sitting here wondering how I got to this point and how in God's name I recover from where I'm at. I am so alone. I know there are many blessings in my life, but none of that takes away this feeling. I keep waiting for a sign, any sign, that things will turn, or that I'll have the ability within myself to change and become productive - nothing.

I'm okay in big scheme of things I guess. I just had to tell someone just how alone I feel. Sorry for the downer.