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this has been going on for 11 years; meds don't help (i've been on almost all of them), ECT didn't help: had two separate course of 10 each. i'm losing my strength to fight this and i just don't know what to do anymore. i can't move.

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I know exactly what that is like. I am in the same situation. I have been on everything, have had ECT several times, and have lost my will to fight. I am trying to survive with every breath I take though it is extremely hard! I am also a cutter, and just can't seem to find an alternative to doing it. I need and want to punish myself. Hang in there and PM if you need to and feel comfortable talking to someone new.